I am a terrible person!
Yes that's right...I never thought I would end up here..but when no one is there to hear you, you probably end up talking to yourself. This is the place where I talk to myself. Until now I have not felt the need to come here as it was not necessary, I was content and happy and I didn't needed to talk back to myself.
Oh by the way I talk to myself when either I am too happy or too sad or even depressed at times...These are some time when I need silence and peace. I like crowded and noisy places but sometimes the city lights, the people and everything haunt me and hence I end up locking myself in a room with no one but just my laptop, so that I can burst out everything that has been going in my mind..Clear all of it and then be happy again...sometimes it does the trick and I am back to normal and sometimes it does not help at all. But the chances of me being happy again are more and hence this unexpected post.
Ever since I was a child there are things that I could not tell anyone, things that still haunt me and things that make me a bad person....even terrible person. I have made mistakes but then who has not and have hurt people in ways that no one does but I have tried my best to sort it out every single time. I know my mistakes cannot be reversed and no matter what I do there will be some memories left. I am not perfect and I do mistakes but does that make me a bad person?
I have not thought of this until now and now when I think of all those mistakes I cannot only say I am a bad person....I have tried my best not to hurt people and make everyone happy but in doing so I have been hurt at times, even to the extent when I felt terrible, sometimes even beyond that...
So why this sudden realization?
It is because I did hurt one of my friend today but that was unknowingly and even though I never meant to hurt that person. I never have felt like this before and I am truly sorry for what I did. Although I have a soft corner for everyone this person has become more special for me and the last person on earth that I wish to hurt is this person. So the mistake has already been done and I feel quite responsible for bringing this upon me. Just when I thought I have started to know this person and felt that this person understood me better than anyone else, this happened and it changed everything in a fraction of seconds.
Suddenly I realized that this was not how I meant things to go with this person but then its life and we cannot predict anything. I am kind of moody and my mood swings very rapidly...So when I realized that life has tricked me again, I could only hope for something good to come...Yet it still seems that life has stored more for me then I have imagined..
I pretend I don't care but deep down I know how much I care and I don't need to show the world about this...Trust building takes time and when it breaks, it leaves some scary marks..
I don't know what will happen tomorrow and I am not pushing anybody to do anything. All I wanted to say from this post is that "I am Truly and Genuinely Sorry to everyone whom I have hurt knowingly or unknowingly. " If you could just forgive me for whatever I have done to you then I might be able to clear out from my own guilt. If you still feel I have done terrible things to you then please drop me a text or call me and let me know how I can clear out the mess between us.
This post is for all my friends, my loved ones and people I have met in this life and to each one of them I am personally saying sorry for being rude or anything towards them...I will try my best to be as frank and as calm and as easy going as I always have been. If I have stayed at your good times, I will definitely stand right beside you at your bad times.
I hope this posts reach everyone of you and I hope I can clear out head and be happy again.
I hope.
Thanks for bearing with me all this while, you guys have made my life more meaningful.
Thanks for all the sweet and lovable memories that you have shared with me and I hope we share more great memories as life progresses before death do us apart.
Thanks again.
9Always.
Yes that's right...I never thought I would end up here..but when no one is there to hear you, you probably end up talking to yourself. This is the place where I talk to myself. Until now I have not felt the need to come here as it was not necessary, I was content and happy and I didn't needed to talk back to myself.
Oh by the way I talk to myself when either I am too happy or too sad or even depressed at times...These are some time when I need silence and peace. I like crowded and noisy places but sometimes the city lights, the people and everything haunt me and hence I end up locking myself in a room with no one but just my laptop, so that I can burst out everything that has been going in my mind..Clear all of it and then be happy again...sometimes it does the trick and I am back to normal and sometimes it does not help at all. But the chances of me being happy again are more and hence this unexpected post.
Ever since I was a child there are things that I could not tell anyone, things that still haunt me and things that make me a bad person....even terrible person. I have made mistakes but then who has not and have hurt people in ways that no one does but I have tried my best to sort it out every single time. I know my mistakes cannot be reversed and no matter what I do there will be some memories left. I am not perfect and I do mistakes but does that make me a bad person?
I have not thought of this until now and now when I think of all those mistakes I cannot only say I am a bad person....I have tried my best not to hurt people and make everyone happy but in doing so I have been hurt at times, even to the extent when I felt terrible, sometimes even beyond that...
So why this sudden realization?
It is because I did hurt one of my friend today but that was unknowingly and even though I never meant to hurt that person. I never have felt like this before and I am truly sorry for what I did. Although I have a soft corner for everyone this person has become more special for me and the last person on earth that I wish to hurt is this person. So the mistake has already been done and I feel quite responsible for bringing this upon me. Just when I thought I have started to know this person and felt that this person understood me better than anyone else, this happened and it changed everything in a fraction of seconds.
Suddenly I realized that this was not how I meant things to go with this person but then its life and we cannot predict anything. I am kind of moody and my mood swings very rapidly...So when I realized that life has tricked me again, I could only hope for something good to come...Yet it still seems that life has stored more for me then I have imagined..
I pretend I don't care but deep down I know how much I care and I don't need to show the world about this...Trust building takes time and when it breaks, it leaves some scary marks..
I don't know what will happen tomorrow and I am not pushing anybody to do anything. All I wanted to say from this post is that "I am Truly and Genuinely Sorry to everyone whom I have hurt knowingly or unknowingly. " If you could just forgive me for whatever I have done to you then I might be able to clear out from my own guilt. If you still feel I have done terrible things to you then please drop me a text or call me and let me know how I can clear out the mess between us.
This post is for all my friends, my loved ones and people I have met in this life and to each one of them I am personally saying sorry for being rude or anything towards them...I will try my best to be as frank and as calm and as easy going as I always have been. If I have stayed at your good times, I will definitely stand right beside you at your bad times.
I hope this posts reach everyone of you and I hope I can clear out head and be happy again.
I hope.
Thanks for bearing with me all this while, you guys have made my life more meaningful.
Thanks for all the sweet and lovable memories that you have shared with me and I hope we share more great memories as life progresses before death do us apart.
Thanks again.
9Always.
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